Change

Change is coming.

If you know me, you know that the previous sentence is NOT something that enjoy. Change and I do not typically get along very well. The fear of the unknown and the inability to control define the word "change" in my vocabulary. It is high time that I change that definition.

3 months of change. 3 months towards finding the "new normal" (as my family describes it). The "new normal" without Dad. My dad was my inspiration. He was probably my best friend. He was my lifeline. The person I'd call to complain to or laugh with about something that happened at school today. He was my source of knowledge for everything that it is to become a great, well-loved, respected teacher in our field. As school is starting again, I'm faced with the reality that I'm not sure I know how to do this without him. What if I fail? What if I don't live up to all the expectations? Part of me thinks that if I stop the hurt my heart feels, then he will really be gone...

My head tells me that I am the daughter of an almighty King, but sometimes my heart still refuses to follow. I pray for grace and mercy in this part of my journey. I have just begun to find the balance this summer, and now the busy of school looms just around the corner (on Monday). I've been begging for God to grant me courage because sometimes I don't think I have the strength to do this on my own.

Then it hits me. BOOM. I am not on my own.

In Joshua 1:9, God reminds me of his commands and promises never to leave my side. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

And King David - author of the Psalms who he himself royally messed up on many occasions - writes out of his own experience, that he is confident in the nearness of God. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)

Yes, change is coming. Change that I'll just have to expect and get used to. It doesn't have to debilitate me, as it would have in years past. The change is that my dad is now in the presence of our King. The change is that I have a new resolve, and a renewed strength. I will choose to rely on God's plan, and not my own. I will learn to release control of situations that I cannot change. I will give voice to God's shouts in my life over the whispers of Satan's attacks. I will determine to find the blessings in the midst of the burdens that seem too heavy to bear.



Lord, I commit to seeing these changes through with an open heart and palms raised upward. I long for more of you and a deeper understanding of what it means to live in your presence. I promise to be disciplined, devoted, and diligent in keeping my morning time with you untouched so that I can be in your word consistently. Here I am. Ears ready to listen, feet ready to move, and letting go of my need for control. Show me what you'll have me learn and walk with me in case I fall. When I do stumble, I know without a shadow of a doubt that you will catch me. - Amen.